When Dr. Morgus learned that I was setting up a web page in his honor, he invited me to visit his downtown laboratory above the Old City Ice House for a rare interview. Though much of what I witnessed and learned must remain a secret for the moment, I am happy to share this exclusive, and quite candid, interview with you in the following and future segments over the months ahead.
Q: Is "Morgus the Magnificent" your real name?
Q: Were you spoiled as a child?
A: I was indeed a spoiled child. They gave me every scientific book I demanded. By age five, I had already mastered differential calculus. At age six, I discovered girls. It was rather disappointing, though. I was looking for a meaningful relationship and they were interested only in hopscotch and playing house.
Q: At that very young age, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A: A scientist, of course! My idol while growing up was my father. To this day, I still wear his lab jacket. The best advice he gave me was: "Momus, help the world. Everyone in it is under the assumption that it is the only place."
Q: Other that your "experiments", how do you earn a living?
A: The Momus A. Morgus Institute (M.A.M.I.) supports the costs of all the experiments I perform. Most of the income derives from the covert counseling I give to many of our city's medical doctors. It's a well kept secret.
Q: What brought you to locate your laboratory above the Old City Ice House?
A: When refrigerators and store-bagged ice cubes took over the market years ago, many ice houses closed down, leaving some excellent equipment behind that was ideal for freezing scientific specimens for my experiments - and, of course, the rent was cheap.
Q: How and where did you meet your assistant Chopsley?
A: It is true that Chopsley was once my classmate in medical school. While volunteering for one of my famous "face transplant: operations, he sneezed during a critical moment and has been subject to the hood ever since. I'd rather not discuss it further...
Q: Do you have any hobbies?
A: This may surprise you, but I have made a hobby out of looking for a wife. I run ads in the personal columns. But, so far, none of the prospects passed the rigorous mental and physical demands of the interview. After all, I must leave an heir of high intellect to continue my work who is acceptable to the "Higher Order." By the way, interested ladies should send their bios to me, in care of the Old City Ice House. Medical records and financial statements are helpful.
Q: Doctor, what is this "Higher Order" you often speak about?
A: In due time, the entire world will know. At this time, I am authorized to reveal that it is an august body of high intellectuals who were recruited, initiated and programmed by a higher order of humans from another planet. Its secret members on earth hold high positions in government and industry in all countries. Others of certain expertise are being initiated for other tasks that lie ahead. It may completely surprise you, Mr. Brillowsky, but you have been recruited and initiated, without your knowledge, through certain Higher Order powers called "Suggestive Thought Implant," to assist me in my mission via the internet. This is why you've kept your keen interest in my work over all these years and why you're here today for this interview.
Author's note: I was overwhelmed by this staggering revelation by Dr. Morgus. My mind was numbed for several minutes. He went on to explain many things which I cannot divulge at this time, and I accepted with humility and honor this assignment bestowed on me by those of the Higher Order. More at a later date...
Q: What do you consider to be your most important contribution to mankind?
A: The scientific jury is still out on that question and it will not be known until sometime in the future when I am summoned before the executive committee of the Higher Order. However, my latest scientific discovery may rank at the top. As every high school student knows, the speed of light is 186,282 miles per second; I, Morgus, have discovered the speed of DARK!
Q: Doctor -- the speed of DARK? I didn't know there was a speed of dark.
A: Of course you don't know! No one else in the world knows either, except me, and I am keeping it a secret for one of my future lectures on television. This alone has 'Nobel Prize' written all over it...(he chuckled).
Q: Do you believe in "life after death"? If so, what would you like to return as?
A: Of course I do! Nothing dies in the universe, but is transformed to a different form of service and purpose.
Q: One final question, Doctor. If you weren't a famous scientist, what occupation would you choose?
A: That's almost unthinkable, but if I weren't a famous scientist, I would certainly enjoy an occupation that would offer a guaranteed future, high income, palatial facilities, no complaints, recession proof and no malpractice exposure: I would be a mortician.
Note: At this point, Dr. Morgus excused himself in order to resume his work, but invited me to return for a future interview in which he would answer scientific, medical and personal questions submitted by his many followers throughout the world.